A Corrupt and Catastrophic Collection of Decrepit Diakko Fanfiction
by RomanViking
Summary: The Little Witch Academia fanbase is known for its diversity and inclusion. We have straight ships (Akko X Andrew), we have teenage lesbian ships (Akko X Diana), we have adult lesbian ships (Ursula X Croix), we have underage and illegal ships (Akko X Ursula), and we even have ships that support bestiality (Dragon!Sucy X Lotte). Now watch as I dedicate myself to expand that pride.


**Author's Note: I might have gone a little far this time. This is a little more extreme than my last Diakko.**

* * *

The year was 1942.

In Nazi Germany, one queen ruled over all.

Not just any queen, but the notorious Queen Diana, the monarch of the universe, whose power and fury extended far beyond her Germanic Kingdom, but to the weakest and lesser reaches of the galaxy and beyond.

It had been six years of restless combat, where all the orphaned children, the virgin incels, and other undesirables had been taken to Luna Nova, the elite military academy at the time.

But what made Luna Nova, a school for witchcraft and wizardry such an effective training building for war?

One simple reason.

Luna Nova housed the royal library, a unique building usually available only to The Assyrian Civilization, but since Queen Diana was so bae, and used the In Game Editor Mod, she managed to build one.

And what does the Royal Library do?

Well, just like any other library in the real world, it costs one gold to maintain, and provides plus one science for every two population.

However, what made The Royal Library such a unique building, was that once it was filled with a Great Work of Writing, it provided 10 additional experience to all units trained in that school.

And since Queen Diana had many Diakkos to work with, filling that slot was no matter whatsoever.

However, the means of this world wide conquest are much more complex than the Royal Library, and the watching of Rick and Morty is only the first step to understanding this goal.

True, Queen Diana had the many Diakkos to fondle herself with, an occasional lick of her monitor, and maybe even a guilty pleasure of lemons that had been created.

However, these works of fiction only served to remind Queen Diana that the relationship between her and that Rape Of Nanking Survivor was just that, only fiction.

And so, thanks to the help of a fascist demagogue providing a daily Fascism support of .10% as well as taking such focuses as Collectivist Ethos and Nationalism Focus, she was able to flip Germany to fascism in a short period of time.

Once this was carried out, Za Warudo was declared war on, herself doing several exploits provided by the elite military mind of Feedback Gaming, who is so much better than Tommy Kay!

After the world had capitulated, Queen Diana sought out on a Deltora sized Quest to find her future Queen, collecting children from around the world, with those who proved to not be Akko taken into Concentration Camps, just as Allah desired.

The Queen would stop at nothing to find her one true love, and make the works of Momoxtoshiro and MyrtenasterRose  
a reality.

* * *

In a small remote Eastern Island, Akko sat at her dinner table with her Gook family, her stomach growling in hunger.

It had been so long since the Kagari family had eaten, the last meal they had eaten a broad.

But that was days ago.

Ever since Queen Diana, from a far away land, had taken over the omniverse, all food had been collectivized and shipped to Germany. All wealth produced by the world would be mobilized, put into effort to finding the lost Queen, whoever that person was.

Akko, herself, cared little for this quest, as it was taking place a continent away, having little to do with her.

Akko was not only upset by this occupation, but scared.

So many people she had known and cared for had been taken away and never heard from again.

So far, Anne Frank, the resource kids from my school, all of the Diakko writers, the entire cast of Katawa Shoujo, Timmy Blumpkin who bullied me in the second grade (Fuck you Timmy! I hope you're reading this! :(, Shane Derrick Dawson, and Jim from Huckleberry Finn had been taken, and that was just from her little village alone!

Akko shuddered as she thought about how many people Queen Diana had taken in total.

However, that shudder was soon gone with the wind, as her momma brought out a plate of Tyson Chicken Nuggets, perfect food for an autist like Akko. She was already tired of the Bitch Lasagna that was the staple food of her people.

"Oh wow, Al-am!" Akko cheered as her mother set the plate down at the table. "This looks really good!"

"Uh!" Akko's father grunted out, himself not being an important character and thus not deserving of any lines.

Like any good woman would do, Akko's mother also didn't say anything, herself also not being an important character.

Akko's mother sat down at the table, as all three of them began to eat, temporarily forgetting the harsh world of their existence.

As the three of them were moaning of their GMO ridden food, three powerful knocks came from the door, followed with a harsh

"Open up!"

"The Diakko Gestapo!" Akko cried out, herself almost choking on her chicken nugs, knowing full well what this would mean.

It was collection time.

"Uh!" Akko's dad moaned in fright, also understanding what this would mean.

However, these knocks and shouts had taken place many times before in the Kagari household, and a routine was already planned and carried out endless times before.

This would be just like the simulations.

Knowing full well what to do, Akko and her biological parents ran from their table, hiding in a nearby broom closet, closing the door to remain hidden.

However, Akko's curious curiosity always ran wild, and thus she nudged the door open just a crack, to see what would be going down.

A few more knocks and shouts later, and the door slammed open, flying off its hinges, as it slammed into the dinner table, chicken nuggets flying everywhere.

Akko gritted her teeth at this, but remained calm.

Just a minute or two more of this, and her family could get back to their feast.

Two heavily armed females came storming through the door, their jackboots echoing against the wooden floors as they moved.

"Who's in here?!" One of the voices demanded. "I heard talking!"

Akko saw the two members of the Diakko Gestapo enter the kitchen, one of them taking a knee at the messy floor.

"And what's this?" She asked, picking up one of the chicken nuggets.

"Don't worry about it." Her comrade ordered. "Our job is to collect for Queen Diana, not focus on that abomination."

"Yes." The other said, standing up from the ground. "Understood."

The two then began to raid through the kitchen, breaking open the fridge, tearing down the cabinets, revealing any and all open spaces that they found.

It would only be a matter of time until they searched the broom closet.

"Hey, look at this!" The squatter shouted out, holding out a piece of paper to her commander.

Akko gasp out loud as she knew what it was.

The item that had been hardened through crust, wet through Akko's own desires, and severely worn from the wear and tear that Akko put the item through when she was alone at night.

It was her Shiny Chariot Poster! Those monsters would taint her poster with just their hands alone.

"Reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" Akko screamed, coming out of the closet.

The two intruders turned towards the bolt that had just flown at them.

"I am Commander XXX_Diakko_Fan_6996_XXX." The intruder declared proudly. "And what do we have her? A little Jewish rapscallion?"

"That's right!" Akko cried out, proud of her heritage. "I love Allah and would do anything for her! Even if that means protecting Shiny Chariot!"

Commander XXX_Diakko_Fan_6996_XXX turned to her companion.

"Dew it." She ordered.

Without hesitation, her inferior ripped up the poster, littering the floor with the paper shreds.

Akko's eyes grew wider than her orifice in a Diakko fanfiction.

She had not believed that they had just done!

Akko took a stance, herself screaming just like a good European does, her voice sending shock waves throughout the room, breaking glass and china alike.

"Is this the power an of enemy stance?!" The shredder of the poster cried out, completely overwhelmed by this storm she had just created.

"I have the power of God _**And**_ Anime on my side!" Akko cried out, shakin' like an earthquake.

The commander was unamused by this, as she said

"Yes but…I am god."

Her eyes then began to turn hyper realist, as hyper realistic blood began to hyper realistically pour out of them in a hyper realist manner.

Akko stopped her charge, staring in horror at what she had just witnessed.

Commander XXX_Diakko_Fan_6996_XXX smiled at this, knowing full well that her Scare Tactics worked.

She grabbed the walkie talkie on her arm, speaking into it.

"Got 'eem."

* * *

Akko Kagari had not known for how long she had traveled for.

It had been a journey and a half, all the way around the world, from the tiny Eastern Island to the grand capital of Berlin.

However, this was all Akko knew.

It was a well kept secret of what happened to those who were taken.

Were they used for labor? Systematically killed? Or perhaps something worse?

All of this was unknown to Akko and everyone else.

Akko felt a heavy sense of tiredness flow over her, herself not sleeping throughout the whole transportation.

But now, the adrenaline from the encounter with the Diakko Gestapo had faded and gave way to a great desire to simply lay her head down and sleep forever.

The bag that had been put over face did little to help this.

Akko did not know this, but she was being dragged by two other members of the Diakko Gestapo, to the Queen's throne room for viewing.

"I don't care." Akko heard someone say. "If that village gets decimated then so be it. A small price to pay for my quest!"

'That's the voice of Queen Diana!' Akko thought to herself.

"But my Queen!" Akko heard someone else beg. "If we continue to torch the villages, an uprising would soon come after."

"I agree." Another person said. "You already ordered the Jewish population to be gassed. Who knows how much more the people can take before they revolt?"

"I said 'cup of juice'!" The Queen sounds off. "Not 'gas the jews'!"

"Oh…" Akko heard that person become uneasy at hearing this. "...Well, what kind of juice did you want?"

"Pomegranate."

In a flash, a bag was pulled off from Akko's face, revealing the outside world to her.

She saw many riches, scattered across the floor from the people they had taken.

Large banners and regal curtains, a grand fireplace, and above all else, a solid gold throne.

And sitting upon the throne was none other than the goddesses herself, the one we all fap to, the waifu of the world, Queen Diana!

Akko couldn't handle being the in the presence of such power, such wealth and royalty.

She fell to the floor, overwhelmed by these outside influences.

"Get up." She heard the Queen order.

Upon this word, Akko stood straight up, knowing full well the ruthlessness that the Queen would indulge.

However, why she did this still remained unclear to Akko.

Akko saw the corners of Queen Diana's lips curl up into a smile, not a Sucy Smile, but one of joy.

"Well now…" The Queen spoke softly. "It seems as though my quest is over."

"W-W-What do you want with me?!" Akko demands, trembling in terror all the while.

"Don't you yell at the queen!" One of the guards screams, slapping the captive across the face, herself falling to the ground.

" **Don't you mess with my bae!** " Diana demonically groans out, the guard exploding upon the Queen's dreaded gaze.

Akko quickly scurries herself back up, terrified but also intrigued by these powers.

Could these be the powers of Luna Nova and the Royal Library?

"To answer your question." Queen Diana continues, returning to her polite manner of speaking. "What do I want with you, I want one thing with you."

"W-What is that?"

"Marriage." The Queen answers immediately.

Akko's mouth hangs low to the ground at this statement, herself breaking a few teeth on the floor.

Queen Diana, using her superior brain, takes the time to explain to Akko the meaning of this.

"I have traveled far and wide, gone on long and hard quests, strived and firmly grasped the desert rocks as a pursued one singular quest. That quest was to find you."

"Me?"

"That's right, Akko Kagari. Or as I shall be calling you from now on, Akko Cavendish. I spent the last six years, tortured and executed millions, caused the collapse of democracy, and oppress those who live thousands of miles from me, all because I wish to become one with you."

"Become one?"

"Yes." The Queen answered back. "The two of us will get married, for that is the one true goal of our existence. We serve no other purpose other than what the masses desire of us, and what they desire of us is our consummation. We were founded together as a twin soul, one of the same womb. And very soon, your womb shall be filled with the future generations of Cavendishes, and our reign shall last forever!"

"You did all this?" Akko questions, herself hardly being able to grasp this. "You killed millions, took dear friends and family from me, people that I know, tortured, killed, worked to death, all so you could find...me?"

"Indeed."

"Duuuude!" Akko sounds off, pumping one of her yellow fists into the air. "That's totally wicked!"

"And to cement our wedding…" Queen Diana said, her mouth curling up into a smile at Akko's acceptance. "I captured a great enemy of ours, someone who seeks to destroy our way of life, cause he hates gays and stuff."

"Who?" Akko asks.

Diana takes out a piece of paper, reading over what is listed.

"For crimes against Diakko, for the active partisan effort of not only seeking out, but allying with those of a similar motivation, a man hunt has been decreed by the Queen of the world. For the capture of Leafy."

"Who?" Akko asks, herself never hearing of this person.

"Leafy."

"Who?"

"You know, Leafy."

"Who?"

"Wait a second…" Queen Diana pauses, reading over her paper once again. "We captured Roman Viking."

"Roman Viking?" The soon Queen To Be questions, that name sounding familiar to her.

"I mean RomanViking!" Queen Diana corrects herself again, slapping herself in the forehead. "You see, even autocorrect wants to correct him!"

"Oh RomanViking!" Akko declares, coming to the epiphany.

Akko thought to herself about RomanViking, what he had done to her and written her as in recent times.

The Jap felt her mouth curl up into a Sucy smile.

"Oh yeah…" Akko agrees. "Let's go beat his ass."

* * *

The two queens of the universe descended down into the torture chambers.

Akko saw many things.

Recently slain victims, rotting dead bodies, and skeletons.

Diana had been doing this for a long time, and all for Akko.

The Jap let out a blush at this, flattered by her expression of love.

Queen Diana then brought Akko to a cage.

It was a large, metal cage, suspended in the air, spikes and barbed wire covering the entire thing, ensuring no escape would come from this man.

However, Akko couldn't regard this...demon as man, but as some sort of subspecies, an accident brought upon the Earth by some wicked god.

He was thin, emaciated from a lack food and water. But above all else, he was ugly, a fucking loser with no life, just like his own creation.

Yes, it was his creation, his character, and his story that had caused Akko so much grief in recent times.

In only a few chapters, RomanViking had written Akko into a very bad position.

She had struck Diana with some sort of sickness spell, as if she would ever do that to the Queen!

He had also written her as a depressed and broken woman in recent chapters, not at all her kind and bubbly self.

And above all else, he shipped his own character, The-Odor Sim-Pan-No, with Diana, when it was self evident that Diana was Akko's and Akko was Diana's!

He tried to strip the love that the two had for each other, and replace it with something horrible and awful, a true nightmare that thankfully ended, and never came into play.

Akko, reminded of these crimes, spat at the caged creature in disgust.

The loogie struck RomanViking on his cheek, waking the wicked soul up.

"H….huh?" The creature awoke, blinking a few times as the crust from his dirty face cringed.

"Wake up, demon." Diana commanded. "I have someone who wants to see you."

RomanViking rubbed the crust from his eyes, squinting in the light as he beared witness to Akko.

RomanViking cringed at seeing the Jap, remembering how he had written her.

While the writer sulked in terror, Diana turned to Akko, grabbing a spear from the nearby wall.

"What's this?" Akko asked, as Diana gave the weapon to her.

"The Holy Lance." Diana answered back. "Also known as the Lance of Longinus,The Spear of Destiny, or The Holy Spear. This is the weapon that you Jews used to kill Jesus. Now that we have the devil in his Earthly form, I believe it's only fitting that you use this same relic to deliver the final blow."

"The devil in his Earthly form…" Akko pondered to herself, turning to faced the caged being.

Upon meeting his gaze, Akko's body filled with anger and rage, only to burst forward as she screamed at RomanViking

"Your fanfiction sucks! What kind of story revolves around a male character in an all female school?! Lame! Lazy writing and bad character development! I mean really! How come Ted needs to keep learning the same lesson over and over again?! Why can't he just accept the people around him already, and oh my god, why is he so clingy to Lotte. Okay, I realize that they had that whole dead dad dog thing, which is itself ridiculous and autistic, but why are they such good friends over that?! I don't befriend the funeral director just because he was at a family member's funeral! And whatever happened to John Diehl? You talk about Bruno all the time, but where's Johnny?! And seriously?! Out of all the things you reference, you had to reference Jurassic Park Three?! That movie is as bad as your fanfiction, and I hope that one day Ted will join in on Cooper's fate! And what is with all of these follower goals?! First 50, and now...now you want 100! You're not a Youtuber! You're just some stupid fanfic writer, who has no life and exists only as an echo on this little story!"

Akko takes one solid and deep breath, before coming back with

"I don't even like Family Force Five! You forced it onto me! Who the fuck are they, anyway?! I've never even heard of them before! I mean, COME ON! I'm Akko, I like Shiny Chariot, not those losers. Family Force Five?! More like Family Force Fuck Off!"

"You had me date someone, who we all know is a self insert." The Queen sternly adds to her bride's truth. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say that you created the story just to make up for your boring life. You're just a fanfiction troll, trying to get attention by attacking the sacred way, truth, and life of Diakko."

With all these memories and emotions welling up inside of Akko, she holds the spear up, the blade mere inches from RomanViking's stomach.

"Do you have any final words before I put an end to you miserable life?!"

"Y...yes…" RomanViking mutters.

He takes a shallow breath, his ribs visible against his skinny chest.

As if suddenly bursting to life, the demonic devil rapidly screams out

"Follow and favorite Little Wizard Academia, and don't forget to comment-"

His heresy is cut off as Akko shoves The Holy Lance deep within his soul, silencing the beast forever more.

Akko breathed heavily, exhausted in her shouting as well as this act of vengeance.

Sweat beads poured out from her, her face red hot, but satisfied in her work.

Queen Diana noticed this, smiling at her wife, as she suggested

"How about a shower?

* * *

The two Queens of the world shuffled their way into the shower area.

It was a large, plain, white square shaped room, looking more like a prison shower than one built for royalty.

However, Akko didn't mind this one bit.

Coming from her small Eastern Island, she normally would be showering with her entire village in one small river, which was also the river they caught food from and disposed of their unmentionables.

This constructed shower was a god sent gift, a gift sent by Diana, the Queen of the universe.

Akko began to strip down, throwing her messy clothes to the floor.

Diana, bearing witness to the naked Akko, had a nose bleed, the red liquid spraying the entire shower, painting both it and Akko red in Diana's love.

"Oh, Akko!" Diana cried out, embarrassed by her actions. "I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to!"

"Don't worry Diana!" Akko cried out, licking the blood from her face like a Jeff The Killer Fangirl. "I love having your life essence all over me!"

"Well then!" Diana smiles, lightly laughing at this. "Good thing we're already in the showers!"

With this, Diana also stripped down to her birthday suit, the two of them now in the buff.

That big nosed Rotten Roman would have died to see Queen Diana now.

However, that creation of the horrible creator was now dead, his huge fucking nose hanging on Diana's fireplace mantle.

No longer would she have to bear the horrors of him, and could now focus on Akko, just as the prophecies foretold.

Suddenly, hatches in the roof of the shower opened up, and cans were dropped in, falling on the floor with a clank.

Gas then began to ooze out, filling the room with an awful smelling substance.

"Zyklon B!" Diana gasped.

Zyklon B. The toxic and lethal poison used to exterminate those who proved to not be Akko, and thus worthless to Queen Diana.

Diana also came to another realization.

This shower, was one of the many meme areas of Diana's palace, this not being a shower at all, but a gas chamber used for mass execution.

And the two had now fallen victim to it.

"Zyklon B…" Diana whispered again, unable to fathom what would soon transpire.

"More like Zyklon Ahhhhh!" Akko autistically orgasms, embracing Diana in their first and last hug.

"More like The Cutie Mark Crybabies!" Babs Seed chimed in, who was also there.

The three had a ponytific time.

* * *

 **Author's Note: Alright, My Little Ponies, here it is. As promised, the first of many Diakkos created as a celebration of follower goals on Little Wizard Academia, only two left to go. Can't wait for the rest.**

 **Speaking of rest, now I go to sleep to see all the presents that Knish Kringle has brought me.**

 **Merry Christmas to all my little memers, Little Wizard Academia update hopefully coming in a week or so!**


End file.
